When Comfort Zones Limit Our Growth

And what we're going to do—and not do—about it.

I am so excited you’re here!

You know those conversations with a close friend, where you’re curled up with a cup of coffee or drink of choice on the couch or at your favorite neighborhood spot, or maybe you’re on a walk, and the conversation is all over the place but it’s also deep and hilarious and non-judgmental and when it’s over, you feel seen and comforted and maybe a little more optimistic about the world and your place in it? That’s the kind of feeling I want to create with this newsletter. (Though no promises on me being hilarious).

Also, send a text to the first person you thought of when you read that.

Photo by Tom Chen on Unsplash

“This newsletter” almost didn’t happen.

The thing is: I’ve delayed launching Second Breakfast¹ for months. MONTHS! Last May, I was ready to publish this thing, but then the doubt crept in.

Why should people care what I have to say?

What’s the point of sharing my writing publicly?

What if my writing is meandering, cliché, and makes people think I’m [fill in blank]?

So I faltered. And I crept back into my comfort zone, holding my cards close to my chest and daydreaming about all the things I would write about and share with my community, instead of just doing it.

The comfort zone² can be a damning place. So is caring about what people think. (Are those the same?!) Both can make you stagnant. And both are where growth and joy go to die. That’s why most of us remain stuck in the same patterns, habits, and excuses. Even if we feel unsatisfied and uninspired, we and others around us have convinced ourselves that the path of least resistance is to do the same things we’ve always been doing.

And sometimes it is.

Change and growth are hard—and they can require quite a bit of time, intentionality, and in some cases, financial resources (where are my therapy people at?) They’re even more challenging when faced with the deluge of self-help fodder that convinces us we must be our best, most creative, most gracious, and most attractive selves AT ALL TIMES. (Spoiler alert: We just…don’t need to be.)

There’s also something to be said about the way that capitalist systems force people into inequitable ways of living that make it very hard to change at any level, but that’s a conversation for another time…

In fact, we could have lots of conversations about the way each of us are conditioned to take up *just* the right amount of space—but never more—from the time we’re little kids through adulthood. I’m sure you can think of a time when you’ve made yourself smaller to fit other people’s ideas of who you are and who you should be.  

It’s a good reminder that other people’s comfort zones force you into yours. And your comfort zone probably forces people into theirs.

And we wonder why so many of us feel exhausted and unfulfilled…

So, I’m calling bullshit on all of it. The constant habit of putting ourselves—and others—in neat little boxes (consciously or subconsciously) that don’t fully capture all of our nuances and complexities is just not the mood for 2023…or really, ever. It’s something I’m trying hard to avoid, and I’m guessing I’m not alone in this.

So this is what I’m reminding myself (and by proxy, you):

Doing what brings you joy is important. Being curious about, and maybe trying something new is important—even when, especially when, your friends or family don’t share those same interests. Because then you’ll meet new people who do! Finding your quirky little corners of community is worth it. Making the effort to get out of your well-worn ruts is worth it. Change is worth it, and growth is even more worth it. All of these things are necessary (though maybe a bit uncomfortable) to building a life that feels true and good and exciting.

For me, launching Second Breakfast is my attempt to get out of my own way and rise above my fear of other people’s judgement. It’s something that I’m doing for me and my pursuit of joy—which I’m learning is reason enough to embark on a new journey. It’s my attempt to build a warm and comforting space to get curious, think about things, have fun—and build a community of people who also want to do that.

Tell me: What’s something you’ve wanted to do but you’re too scared, nervous, or even ashamed to do?

Alternatively: Have you been successful in stepping outside of your comfort zone in some way? Let’s celebrate it!

Just comment on the post or reply directly to this email—I’d love to know your thoughts.

In the meantime, I hope you try something new this week—what’ve you got to lose?! Anything you’re curious about is worth pursuing.

Until next week,

Elizabeth

P.S. If you liked this, might I suggest sharing it with a few friends?

1. Catch up on why I started this newsletter, why the name Second Breakfast, and what you can expect from it all.

2. I refer to comfort zone in a creative context here, i.e., the comfort zone that prevents us from being honest about our bullshit, from trying or fostering new hobbies, creative pursuits, new relationships, ways of thinking, etc. It does not refer to the very necessary comfort zones regarding personal safety, physical space, boundaries, and rest.